I had just come home from work and we decided that we were going to spend some time up at my parents' house. I changed out of my work clothes into my usual lounge outfit: basketball shorts and a baggy tee shirt. Nate looked at me for a moment and then thoughtfully asked, "Do you like yourself?" I stared at him, my blood starting to boil because I didn't want to have this conversation right now. But why would he ask a question like that? It got me thinking, and we got to talking. I admitted that I was struggling with my self-esteem and he wasn't surprised, explaining that I dress as if I don't like myself. Then he said something that really got to me: "It's not fun being married to someone who doesn't like themselves."
This conversation happened the day before I got the reminder that I was participating in the Marriage and Relationship Goal's Link Up, so choosing my goal for this month was kind of a no-brainer. Romantic relationships can be challenging, and personal problems can complicate things even more. My self-esteem, however, shouldn't be something that negatively affects my relationship. To fix that, I need to understand why my self-worth is struggling.
As I evaluated my personal habits, I've came to realize that I don't take care of myself like I know I should. For whatever reason, eating three full meals a day is a struggle for me. I usually substitute meals with lots of snacks throughout the day, or I skip a meal and overeat during my next meal. Physical activity has become a thing of the past; in high school I was either running at track practice or on my own at home. Now I can't walk up a few flights of stairs without breathing heavy and sweating. During our talk Nate made the observation that I have been spending more time in bed than I ever have before, and that he's never seen me as depressed as I have been this past month. I've struggled with moving into our new apartment quite a bit, but I didn't think it was affecting me to such an extent. Nate seems to be able to track my behavior better than I can, so I trust his word and am committed to improving.
I can't Imagine what it would be like being married to someone who maintains borderline unhealthy habits; someone who stays in bed during the day, whose meals consist of chocolate and carbohydrates, and who gets on the scale once a week only to cry to you that they've gained even more weight. That would probably be a pretty discouraging partnership.
I openly admit that I struggle with depression and this downswing in my habits and moods may be a result of that, but I certainly am not doing my part in managing it. So, my goal for this month is to start taking care of myself by:
- Being re-evaluated by my Nurse Practitioner to determine if my medication needs an adjustment.
- Eating three healthy, well-balanced meals throughout the day (none of which can involve chocolate as a main or side dish!).
- Exercising for an hour at least three times per week.
- Getting out of bed promptly when I wake up and not returning until bed time.
- Putting an extra effort into looking put-together whenever I leave the house (no more gym shorts and tee shirts!).
I have been told many times by multiple people that taking care of our physical selves works wonders on improving our emotions. It is my goal that throughout this month I can take better care of myself so that I can be happier and learn to love myself. If I love myself, my husband will see it and will be happier because I am happier. I look forward to seeing both my marriage and quality of life improve as I become more aware of the way I present myself and take care of myself.
Do you have any goals for the month that will help you improve your marriage or relationship?
New to the Marriage & Relationship Goals Link-up? Goals help our relationships grow stronger and get better with time as well as help us move forward and avoid the "ruts" of life. This link-up was created in hopes of inspiring your relationship with your significant other no matter your chapter in life and love. We would love for you to join us in making the things we do in our relationships intentional.
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Awesome goals. Sounds like we have some similar bad habits. When I'm feeling down, I tend to stay looking sloppy all day. It can make such a difference just to shower and make myself look pretty even if it feels like there is no good reason to. It motivates me to stay out of bed during the day, another bad habit of mine. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI love this Heather!
ReplyDeleteI love this, so much!!!!! Nate has awesome perspective. I think this is something all women struggle with at some point or another. Self esteem is hard sometimes. :P I need to remember that when I get home at night, it's ok to stay in my all day clothes instead of changing into my comfy clothes the second I get home :P
ReplyDeleteI totally agree! Taking a shower right when I get out of bed is a huge key to a successful, productive day for me. If I go the extra mile and put makeup on I feel productive and good about myself. It's amazing the difference a little bit of effort can make!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Leah!!
ReplyDeleteAh, me too! I'll come home from work or a day out and Nate will mention how cute I look, but instead of staying cute it's like I try extra hard to make myself look as atrocious as possible. Shouldn't I be trying to look cute for my husband? It's so funny how our priorities get so confused sometimes!
ReplyDeleteIt used to be the complete opposite! I came home from work and made myself look even more cute than I did all day to go hang out with Joe :P
ReplyDeleteI need to focus on all of these goals:)
ReplyDeleteI can definitely see how making sure that you're taking the best care of yourself that you can can also help make life a little easier on your spouse. You'll probably be a lot more joy-filled, too!
ReplyDeleteHi Heather - thank you for sharing this. You're very brave for opening up like this.
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right - the key to successful, loving relationships is knowing how to love yourself first.
It's amazing the difference a little makeup or a pretty top can make to our attitudes! I definitely have tendencies towards the same behaviours, but have made a conscious decision to 'dress up' or 'look nice' for hubs. At first, I was doing it only for him, but now it really makes me feel better and more confident and I'm doing it for myself.
It's amazing how much more professional I feel at work when I've taken the time to actually get ready, and how much more comfortable I feel in my skin overall when I make the extra effort. I love your idea that it's important to do it for yourself, too! Thank you for your comment!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree, I am sure that I will be so much happier when I begin to take better care of myself. Even just eating better will hopefully balance my moods! Thank you for your comment!
ReplyDeleteThey're nothing special, but they're good ones!!
ReplyDeletei just found your blog via the relationship goals and i'm loving it, especially this post. you are so bold for sharing openly about your struggles and i can identify with a lot of it. i've struggled with depression for years and more recently anxiety has taken a choke-hold on me (and my marriage).
ReplyDeletei was happy to see that exercise is part of your goal because i can honestly say that working out saves my sanity. i despise running and gag and sometimes cry when doing it, but once i get done...i feel like i'm capable and can handle my emotions better. so glad you are taking care of you and glad to have found your blog!
Heather, hopped over from the link up. Taking better care of ourselves is one of Will and I's goals as well. And you are right, our husbands really can track our behavior better than we can sometimes! ...or maybe even most of the time lol.
ReplyDeleteLiking yourself and taking care of yourself are important regardless of relationship status, but I think it's harder when you're part of a team. Just know you aren't alone. I have wrestled with this one from both ends of the spectrum not taking care of myself and doing too much to try to perfect myself. 3 hours of exercise sounds like a healthy medium. =) Good luck!
Ah, it's interesting that you mention that your anxiety has a choke-hold on both you and your marriage. My husband and I struggled so long with the same problem! And my anxiety didn't totally surface until after we got married. I expected to be happier after we got married, not completely anxious over everything! I'm still horrible about working out, but my emotions are definitely more consistent when I do! Thank you for stopping by, I appreciate your comment so much!
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by, Devra! It's been interesting to see my healthy lifestyle go out the door as soon as I got married. It's a shame because this should be the time when taking care of myself should be important because I am part of a team and someone is relying on me to be there for him. I feel like I've dropped the ball a little bit, but your support means a lot!
ReplyDeleteof course! i'm glad we could connect :)
ReplyDelete